How to Talk About Death With Your Young Child
The difficulties of discussion and consolation
The topic of death is a tough one – especially when young children are involved. It’s something people don’t like talking about and often avoid talking about, yet the question comes up often – how do I talk to my child about death?
First, let’s talk about YOU. When someone dies, whether you were expecting it or it was a total shock, it’s hard. It comes with waves of emotions – anger, sadness, regret, disbelief, and moments of acceptance – only to cycle through them again and again.
That cycle is healthy. The more you feel it, the more you move through it. Take good care of yourself, let yourself feel, let yourself grieve.
And your young child? How do you explain this? Do you say nothing? Give them all the details? As a child therapist, here’s my best recommendations on how to speak to your child and support them through this difficult time.
Be Clear
“Grandma died yesterday”
Start by being totally honest. Children are perceptive and can feel the vibe around them, whether you say it or not. So let them know there’s something different happening.
Explain
“Her heart was sick, and her body stopped working.”
Keep this part age appropriate. No need to get into the details.
Ensure Safety
“Her sickness can’t spread to anyone else; we are safe.”
Since we just mentioned bodies stopping, and your child (and everyone around them) lives in a body, help them feel safe.
Invite Feelings
“We won’t see her again, and it’s okay if you feel sad or have any other feelings.”
This is the hardest, yet most important step. It can be really tempting to say things like, “You’re fine! Mommy’s fine! Everything is okay. Don’t be sad.”
Instead, let them know you won’t see that person again and welcome ANY feelings. Releasing and expressing is super healthy. Be sure to let your child know they can come to you anytime and ask any questions they have.
If your child recently experienced a death and is struggling, or for more help with tough topics, Lake Norman Family Therapy is happy to serve you. Reach out using our Contact Us form.
