Imagine flying through strong turbulence and feeling very scared. The pilot starts speaking. Here are three announcements you could hear…

Pilot 1 says: “Stop screaming! There is nothing to be upset about. Everything is fine!”

My reaction: I’m worried that the pilot isn’t aware of the turbulence and is ignoring something important.

Pilot 2 says: “Ah! You’re making me scream! It was a bad idea for you to come on this flight. What do we do now?”

My reaction: Terrifying. My fear is “contagious” and throwing the pilot off.

Pilot 3 says: We are going through turbulence. I know you’re scared – that’s okay. I know what I’m doing. I’m not scared of this turbulence or your fear.”

My reaction: Now I can take a deep breath. Nothing has changed. The turbulence is still here and yet… I feel safer.

We want a leader who knows what they’re doing when things get tough. We want someone who can recognize our feelings AND who isn’t swayed by them – this is actually what makes our emotions feel SAFE, that they are allowed to exist and cannot overpower our leaders.

Our kids crave our sturdy leadership. It’s what makes them feel safe, what allows them to find calm, and what leads to the development of emotional regulation and resilience. We are the pilots of our family. Our kids look to us for love and leadership. 

You have Pilot 3 in you. We all do. We also all have moments where that pilot is drowned out by our fears, insecurities and our pasts. This isn’t your fault. We can look at ourselves from a “What do I want to work on so that I feel sturdier – for my kids, yes, but also really for myself?” Nothing is wrong with you, if you’re someone who is working on yourself. In fact, I think it’s a great identity to be a person who is willing to look inside, reflect, consider new ideas, and try new things.

Let’s work together to find ways to be sturdy leaders for our kids, especially in their turbulent times. As always, if your child is struggling, and you are a parent who is having a difficult time being sturdy leader for them, Lake Norman Family Therapy is happy to help. Reach out using our Contact Us Form.