Why We Care About Self-Compassion
What is self-compastion?
Self-compassion and emotional health are deeply interconnected. Self-compassion is the practice of being kind, caring and understanding toward oneself. It is an active state-of-mind to be self-compassionate. It’s not making excuses for yourself; it’s just not being self-critical. Humans are hard-wired for self-criticism. The inner critic is the evolutionary mechanism for safety. This mechanism continuously monitors threats and the need for safety. Psychological difficulties arise when our threat systems become overly activated. Self-compassion can be an effective tool in treating past trauma and negative self-beliefs formed by that trauma that often keeps us feeling “stuck” in the past.
According to psychologist Kristen Neff, a pioneer in the study of self-compassion, the co-founder of The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, and the author of several best-selling books on the topic, self-compassion consists of three core components:
- Self-kindness – Treating yourself with care and understanding rather than harsh critical judgment.
- Common humanity – Recognizing that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience. You are never alone!
- Mindfulness – Being aware of painful emotions without over-identifying with them or becoming overwhelmed.
Benefits
There are many scientific benefits of self-compassion that include, but are not limited to, the following:
- Reduction in stress, anxiety, and depression
- Strengthening emotional resiliency
- Increase ability to regulate emotions
- Increase in motivation
- Improves the ability to relate to others
- Counteracts perfectionism and shame
How to Cultivate Self-Compassion for Emotional Health:
- Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves staying present and acknowledging emotions without judgment. This can help you learn how to pause when you experience emotions, instead of reacting to them in the moment.
- Use Self-Compassionate Language
Pay attention to your self-talk. Much of our self-talk is learned and influenced by others. Negative feedback or harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or peers can shape a person’s internal dialogue. If you notice harsh or critical language, try to reframe the talk in a manner and tone that you would use with a good friend.
- Engage in Self-Care
Take care of your physical and emotional needs. Build your capacity to set boundaries, effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings, participate in activities that bring you enjoyment, seek social engagement with others, and promote wellness with food, movement, and sleep.
- Recognize You are Not Perfect
Remind yourself that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience. Even though you may feel alone in the mistakes you make or the suffering you are experiencing, you are never alone!
- Challenge Self-Criticism
Self-criticism is often distorted and counterproductive. Practice replacing criticism with supportive, kind, and encouraging thoughts.
Remember, the emotional, physical and spiritual wellness we seek is not a noun. Wellness is not a destination but ongoing intentional action we take to heal from past wounds, maintain health, and achieve growth.
Do you feel like you could benefit from self-compassion? Consider investing your time in a therapeutic relationship with one of our highly trained and experienced Lake Norman Family Therapy’s clinicians, to explore this concept and other ways to achieve the emotional well-being you deserve. Reach out using our Contact Us form today or by dialing 704-892-9490. Lake Norman Family Therapy would be honored to serve you.
